There I said it. I really don't know what I'm doing. I've been living in legalism for so long that I don't know how to be a Christian. My instincts tell me to go one way or the other: Spiritual and laid back or Legal and uptight. I need to find a balance.
I need to learn how to pursue God actively. I don't want to weigh myself down with guilt because I am set free in God but I don't want to be unaccountable and forget my values. Lately I've been too lax, I feel like I've been giving lip service. I feel like I've been leaning on the testimonies of others and that God's presence burns bright in a room of Christians and is nonexistent when I am alone.
Okay, so there is definitely something to be said about how human relationships can teach us about a relationship with God. The thing I'm learning right now is that passivity doesn't work. If you care about a relationship with someone you have to make the effort because it can deteriorate really fast without that.
I can't sit idly by and wait for God to shout at me when I'm not even actively listening for his chit chat. If I ignored my friends until I needed something or until they were yelling at me I wouldn't have very many friends would I?
I need to see God everywhere. I need to listen to him in the empty spaces. I need to find him in coincidence and chance; in hardship and hope; in dirty kitchens and sunshine; in the middle of brokenness and in the middle of joy.
I need to stop making up excuses about not being with God and his word. I don't really have any excuse now. I live in my own space, I'm not over worked, I'm not alone in my faith.
I need to learn to be a Christian when I'm alone on my couch not just when I'm on a pew at church.
Carly
I love this. It's something I have to work on too, but you worded it a lot better than I could have.
ReplyDeleteThanks! Yeah it's a struggle every day, but it's worth it.
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