Tipping Point

I've been in a rut lately...spiritually at least. I've been mad, I've been lonely, I've been lost. Having the shiny new christian "the world is a bow of sunshine" worn off really put me out. I thought I'd be on fire forever. I thought I would never feel the wind blow me over.

News flash: you don't grow if nothing ever challenges you...so obviously God is not going to let you stagnantly sit there without any difficulties.

That doesn't make me feel any better though. I felt like God had abandoned me or I had done something to abandon God. I'd lost my joy. I didn't know a way out of this spiral. I wanted to be with God, but I just didn't know how. I felt trapped between wanting to be spiritual and ignoring preconceptions and wanting to religiously earn my way into God's grace, which is NOT how it works.

I hit a point. I didn't want it to be that way anymore. So, I called up some christian friends for some fellow-shipping. I emailed my pastor and set up a time to talk. I called a woman about a bible study. I wanted to make it better. I wanted to surround myself with people who would build me up.



I realized while talking to my pastor what my problem was: I was lonely. Living solo in an apartment and not putting myself in good environments had weighed me down temporally. With my relationship with God I seemed to think that I had to be perfectly pursuing him in ever aspect in my life for him to spend time with me. I thought his action depended on me. Nope. Not true at all.

God doesn't expect perfection...really ever because he knows that we can't be perfect without him. He works on us. He molds us from the inside out.

I had also been really weighed down by guilt because of my issues with frustration and anger at a coworker, because I knew that it wasn't the Christ-like attitude. When I talked to my pastor about it he reminded me that the guilt and the fact that I hated what I was doing was God working on me from the inside out. God wasn't as absent as I thought. Those feelings were just subtle promptings about an area of my life that I could improve on.

Man, when I realized that it was like a firework went off! I made an active choice to be more cheerful at work and to try to exemplify God's love at my work. The moment I made that decision and freed myself from the guilt of my anger I became a powerhouse. The joy was back. I felt like I was burning with love.

I was going to love the crap out of people, no matter what I did!

Everyone noticed. My coworkers were stunned by my change in attitude and appreciated it. I got through work much easier and faster that I ever had. I could see the opportunities to love and listen.

It was like God was sitting next to me pointing out ways to make a difference in people's days, coworkers and customers alike. I dedicated that day to the Lord that morning and boy did He use it!

I feel like I was standing at this giant tipping point of doubt and sorrow and instead of tumbling down into a mire of drudgery and deliberation I jumped into a pool of God's love and endless joy. I trust him. I will work for the betterment of the kingdom. How ever he needs me.

In Faith,a
Carly