Discrimination Against Women Hasn't Gone Away

Ya know, there have been so many times in my life when I've shrugged off a hurt feeling or a frustration because I thought "this is just the way it is."

There have also been times where I have suppressed sharing my feelings or views because I could hear the voice of men in my past saying "you're overreacting". There have even been times where I have totally ignored my gut instinct to get out of a situation because I felt like I would be mocked for following my gut--I wish I hadn't.

One really sad thing is that I do most of this unconsciously every day. I judge whether it is "worth it" to defend myself and my gender without even realizing I'm doing it. The fact that we are so used to being mocked and criticized every time we express our intuition or tell someone about a need we have makes me sick.

And I didn't even realized I was doing it, or that it didn't have to be that way, until I read Yashar Ali's article's about it. Yashar is a man. Not a woman ranting about how unfair her life is. He is a third party observer and he sees us. He understands the issues women face today. He sees how so many men will outwardly support women's rights but then belittle a woman by telling her that her opinion isn't valid.

I've read three articles from his blog and all have been phenomenal, here are some excerpts:

"... I have never actually been witness to the kind of street harassment my women friends tell me about... street harassment, like all forms of harassment, is about attacking the vulnerable.... I will never know what it feels like for a woman to walk down the street alone. How am I to fully relate to the pain, fear, and humiliation of street harassment when I have never witnessed its full form and lack the the personal experience of being harassed on the street?"

"And therein lies the problem: if and when we think of sexism, it’s about class-action lawsuits,
wage fairness—the big issues. We don’t seem to pay attention to the minutiae of daily life and the discrimination that exists on an everyday level. "

 From Men Will Never Truly Understand a Day in the Life of a Woman. But Why Shouldn't We Try?

"Gaslighting is a term, often used by mental health professionals (I am not one), to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy."

"Those who engage in gaslighting create a reaction—whether it’s anger, frustration, sadness—in the person they are dealing with. Then, when that person reacts, the gaslighter makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure by behaving as if their feelings aren’t rational or normal."

"It’s a whole lot easier to emotionally manipulate someone who has been conditioned by our society to accept it. We continue to burden women because they don’t refuse our burdens as easily. It’s the ultimate cowardice."

"No wonder some women are unconsciously passive aggressive when expressing anger, sadness, or frustration. For years, they have been subjected to so much gaslighting that they can no longer express themselves in a way that feels authentic to them."

"I don’t think this idea that women are “crazy,” is based in some sort of massive conspiracy. Rather, I believe it’s connected to the slow and steady drumbeat of women being undermined and dismissed, on a daily basis. And gaslighting is one of many reasons why we are dealing with this public construction of women as 'crazy.'"

"But isn’t the issue of gaslighting ultimately about whether we are conditioned to believe that women’s opinions don’t hold as much weight as ours? That what women have to say, what they feel, isn’t quite as legitimate?"

From A Message To Women From A Man: You're Not Crazy

"Why is the discussion about gender inequality such an inconvenient and annoying bore to men, especially socially progressive men who would otherwise advocate on behalf of any other oppressed group or population?"

"Rather it’s about what is felt by the individual being discriminated against. And often with gender discrimination, women simply don’t share their feelings of frustration because their claims have been dismissed, 'You’re just overreacting. You’re paranoid.'"

"I see one central problem as connected with the men who are fundamentally good, but who pretend as if there is no major gender imbalance. These men, like my friend, when asked if women deserve equality, resoundingly respond “yes.” But when they are put in a position to support the women in their lives or when they are put in a place where they can directly react to discrimination, they lack any sort of action or assertion, or worst yet, they only offer dismissal."

From On Women's Rights: Yeah, Yeah, Blah, Blah, Blah. Whatever.

These articles were so empowering! You know how many times I have told myself I was crazy because that was the reaction I was getting from legitimate emotional responses? My self esteem went down so much whenever I got "you're over reacting" or "you're crazy" or "oh calm down". 

Now I realize that it isn't something I should have to deal with. And if anyone tries to 'Gaslight' me I am going to call them on it. Plain and simple. Women shouldn't be covertly discriminated for being a women. We shouldn't have stores clerk's eyes glaze over when we ask them a question. We are valid. We don't have to take this.

Carly